September 2009 Remembering Tim

September 27th 2009

Well here it is fall again. a lot has happened since my last blog. We were called home as Our Timmy took a turn for the worse. Yes, it was the worst. On September 11 our boy lost his battle with cancer. To say this has been the worst month of my life is putting it mildly. I will forever miss that wonderful child. I will post the letter I wrote to him in July and he was well enough then to read it.

He is now out of his horrendous pain and for this I am grateful but I will ever miss his face, his voice and his booming laugh.

This is the letter:

Dear Timothy June-July 2009

First let me say how very much I love you. I am so thankful to God for giving you to me. You are so good looking and so bright. You have always had a quick wit and a wonderful mind. I love how we always “got” each other. Not many can say this. I have always loved your humor and our talks. I am so darn proud of the wonderful man you have become. I know I shouldn’t take credit for it but I think I will.

I do so hate what you are going through right now. Oh I know God doesn’t give us more than we can handle but sometimes this one feels like way too much. I hate that you are in pain and I wish I could make it better, that’s what a Mom should be able to do. I pray each day for healing and lessening of pain. God is so good and faithful.

I am truly blessed to have you in my life. I am so glad you have lived near me for all these years and we have spent time together. Our morning “talks” and the Mother’s Day we went to church and to breakfast. Also sitting at the kitchen table talking our “God” talk. Coincidence? I think not

Things I remember:

When you walked across that stage on graduation and yelled. (Momma)!

At three years old looking at yourself in the mirror in that outfit (green) and crying. “Now I look like a frog”.

Hoisting yourself over the bars of your crib and dropping to the floor. You were always very athletic.

Not wanting anything to do with the “potty”

The Christmas Eve we were saved.

Your special toys: big wheel, jukebox , GI Joe, you and Robbie (PR) in the “toy room”

Your love of nature and how you have always loved to grow things (hmmmmm) LOL

Most of all I love how passionately you love. Your love of the Lord is an inspiration to everyone. It is the thing that will sustain us through this time in our lives. I thank God every day that Trish is your love and your wife. I love her so much and just bask in her love for you.

These last few days have been so cleansing for all of us, we needed some “family time” and just seeing my sons and the women who love them so much just makes me so happy.

All a mom wants in her life is for her kids to be happy. I have always prayed that my guys found women who loved you as I did. Prayer answered. I love the four of you more than any of you can imagine. It is so good to be together. I know Dad echoes my feelings, he loves you all so much.

We are here for you always, just call and I will come a running. I have so much stuff running through my head right now. I won’t bore you with all my precious memories of you.

Just know sweetness how much I love you and how much a part of me you are. I carried you under my heart for 9 months and I will carry you in my heart forever.

I could go on and on and on but I will stop here. You will never know how much I love you Timmer, you are one of the greatest joys of my life. I thank God every day for the most precious gift He gave Dad and me..

I love you

Momma